MelSense,

What are your thoughts on men (late 20s and early 30s) using ED pills (Cialis, Viagra etc) for a little extra boost? Should guys be concerned about what the women think? 75% of the time, I am perfectly fine and can handle my business but…the other 25%.

Little Blue Pill

Dear LBP,

I’ll share my own thoughts and opinions first, then compare them to the best information Google can offer. ED is a side effect of a GOOD NUMBER of medications, so if you take any regularly, check the accompanying little info booklet for ED. If you find it listed, I would definitely recommend taking to your doctor about your options to remedy the problem (in other words, yes to the pill! Or meditation, or nutrition/diet changes, or acupuncture, etc). There are also several medical conditions that could cause ED in a man your age: cardiovascular disease, depression, spinal or nerve damage- so you should definitely rule those out first- but probability dictates that you likely don’t have one of those conditions.

Assuming it’s not your medication or a medical condition causing the issue, I don’t think popping pills that affect your heart and blood circulation is necessary for a 25%-of-the-time problem, and DEFINITELY not just for an extra boost of for already-healthy body! …especially when the root of the problem is likely emotional. You don’t state whether you’re married, dating someone regularly, or single, but maybe you’re not comfortable in front of your sexual partner(s). Could it be a confidence issue? Some specific memory from your past, or the fear of another 25%-er session that you can’t put out of your mind? I know discovering the underlying problem and addressing it is a lot more complex, possibly painful, and time consuming than just popping a pill, but your brain will keep working for you, all-naturally, a lot longer than your junk will, so I say  get your mind right first. Save the junk-tinkering for your 40’s. =)

Oh yeah, and recreational drug use has been linked to ED as well, so put down the bong and go for a jog.

And now a word from our Sponsor (Google)…

According to the finest of search engine results, Viagra seems to be safe for younger men to take UNLESS they have a heart condition. You could develop a psychological dependency however, so you might start to feel like you need it every time. Also, keep in mind that we don’t know who these articles were sponsored by (meaning, perhaps the drug manufacturer, who of course WANTS more people to take ED pills). No matter what you decide, go to your doctor and get a prescription –no black market or foreign manufactured pills.

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I’m going bald and am already insecure. im scared to cut my hair (cornrows), but its starting to be a hassle, as i only have 3 rows on the top of my head. what should i do? my girlfriend thinks im ridiculous and vain and that bald can be sexy

Braids or bald

Well first of all BOB, what you should feel insecure about is wearing cornrows in 2010, not about going bald. But I don’t agree with your girlfriend that you’re being ridiculous and vain. Most people consider losing their hair a sign of aging, and that can be difficult to face. On top of that, since I know you’re pretty young, it must feel unfair to lose your hair so soon, when most of your peers aren’t.

But enough coddling. You gotta lose the rows BOB. You gotta lose it all. The Friar Tuck Half-baldy is so 1950. Don’t just sit back and watch as the space between your braids grows wider and wider! Take the reigns and regain control of your scalp! Michael Jordan did it, Boris Kodjoe did it, Morris Chesnut did it, and so should you.

Oh yeah, and while it’s nice that your girlfriend thinks bald is sexy –I’m sure that eliminates one big question mark for you about going for the big chop- but you have to do this for you. You don’t wanna be this:

AHHHHH!!!!

Nuff said.

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Talk to me about hair care! I have very course hair and although I’m obviously Caucasian, I’ve been asked many times if I have African or Hispanic ancestry in my recent past because of my hair. I’d love to know how to stop breakage!

Hair Care

This is going to be a somewhat racially-insensitive reply, HC –just warning you now- but I have to get real to give you hair advice that will actually be of use to you. First, a secret: *whispers* black people wash their hair less often than white people.* And this is how is should be –black hair TENDS to be drier than other types, producing very little oil (which is why we sometimes add oil to it in our styling products), so it doesn’t need to be washed out as often. Most white people’s hair produces oil at a much higher rate, and after a day or two without being washed can get that “greasy look” that you guys dread.

If you made it through all those generalizations, don’t stop reading now!

I’m willing to bet, HC, that your hair type falls somewhere in between those extremes, genetically, so you might have to experiment with combining black and white hair care techniques until you find the perfect routine for you. One BIG way to reduce breakage and improve the overall look of your hair is to wash it less often. I know skipping a day of washing can be traumatic for some people, but once you see the difference, it will be worth it. If you already skip a day, try two days. I’m not just making this up either –google it- white people are washing less all over. A good, white friend of mine in high school washed her hair every two or three days, and she was widely admired for her luscious locks (I was the only one she told about the hair washing thing, for fear of being branded “dirty” lol)

I know you have curly hair, and light styling products can make all the difference in preventing breakage and even adding a little shine. Dry hair breaks off much easier. In keeping with the race relations theme of this reply, I’d advise you to try ‘Mixed Chicks’ haircare products. They have an entire leave-in conditioner line that may be perfect for you. The prices aren’t bad, and I’m sure you can find it for cheaper on Ebay.

From their site: "Whether you're black, white, asian, latin, mediterranean, or any glorious combination of the above, you'll love the way these non-sticky, lightweight products leave your hair inviting to touch as they define and lock moisture into every curl." Sounds about right!

If Mixed Chicks is too heavy for your hair, try Garnier Fructis’ leave in conditioner, available at most grocery and drugstores. Be sure to trim your hair somewhat regularly (every few months is fine). Trims prevent split ends of your hair from continuing to fray up the hair shaft, which is a great thing as split hairs are more prone to snap off.

Finally, one key to less breakage is less handling. I know the instinct to comb and comb and detangle those curls to perfection is strong –I feel it myself at times, but if you stick to only detangling thoroughly in the shower with a head full of moisturizing conditioner, you’ll cause a lot less damage. After rinsing well, add a little leave in conditioner and let your hair do its thing!

I could write about this all day, so I’ll stop here. Feel free to ask follow-up questions!

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If you don’t see your question here, check back next Thursday (09.30.10)

-MelSense