I am a young professional woman in the Washington, DC metro area. In May, I transitioned jobs and landed what I thought to be a great fellowship position; I was completely wrong. About 2-3 months in, the organization’s dynamics began to get extremely messy. To begin to paint a visual, the office consists of 7 people (myself included). Subject A (Director) just thinks she is the President of the World and that office workers must recognize her power (or lack thereof). Subject B (Receptionist AKA Directors B****) clearly does not know how to talk to people. Her tone and approach is really confrontational but because she is “old” no one says anything. Subject C is the Deputy Director and is clearly an unpolished person. Subject C loves to “correct” everyone both in a professional and personal matter (personal word usage in non-work related conversations). Contractors and employees that must work with the organization constantly complain about her controlling nature.
There is no way I can sum these people up in one email but the organizational dynamics are horrible. To continue explaining my horrible situation, one instance I was told on a Friday that the office would be closed Monday-Wednesday and that I would not be compensated for the time. EXCUSE ME, I HAVE BILLS B****! To further elaborate, another instance would be when I was confronted by Subject B in the bathroom (really loudly and rudely) about leaving the phones unattended as I went to the restroom.
The problem I am having is definitely not limited to these situations. There is micro-managing, belittlement, and a so much more and I really need advice about whether or not I should quit. The only thing that keeps me is that the organization is impressive on my resume and I am doing work that will help me with my professional and educational experience. I am also a really strong person so the attitudes and belittlement will not break me. The position also ends December 31, 2010 so the fact that it is a temporary situation also gives me the strength to return. In a place such as Washington, DC where politics and networks are everything, I do not want to ruin my reputation by quitting this job. So MelSense…
Should I Stay or Go?
STAY, STAY, STAY, SISOG!!!!
So you’re telling me this organization will look impressive on your resume….AND you get to leave in December?? This is a win/win situation, SISOG! Who cares how these people act? You only have to deal with it for two more months! I can remember the days when two months seemed like a long time to me –a year was an eternity. But those days are long gone, and believe me SISOG, these two months will pass in a flash. Think of your impending departure often to encourage yourself when Subjects A, B, and C start-up with their same old shenanigans. They’ll still be getting on each other’s nerves long after you’re gone! And don’t think you can behave recklessly around the office just because you’re leaving soon either –strong references are important, especially early in your career (I assume you’re a young person since two months still seems like a long time to you). Suck it up and put on your poker face –don’t let A, B, or C know that anything is wrong with you (maybe join a kick-boxing class to relieve some stress outside of the office).
Another thing you might want to keep in mind: my Mother once advised me that I should never leave a job to get away from personalities or people, because the same types of personalities seem to reoccur at almost every job. I have definitely found this to be true. So spend these last two months developing some coping mechanisms for dealing with Subjects A, B, and C, because you’re sure to bump into more Director’s B*****s, Unpolished Speakers, and Presidents of the World as you move forward in your career. Oh, and it’s great that you’re able to recognize and diagnose these types of organizational problems, even if you’re not in a position to fix or change anything yet. Just use Subjects A, B, and C as examples of how not to conduct yourself with future employers, or traits to sniff-out and eliminate in future employees.
Why do women who complain about men date the same man over and over. They never improve. Its the same man. Just different skin tone, height. So on and so on…
Same ole same ole
This question could easily devolve into a discussion of nature vs. nurture, SOSO, because there’s something inside of these women (and men too, by the way) that yearns for these reoccurring qualities in the people they date. Perhaps it’s something they lacked growing up, a quality they admired about a past partner, or maybe they were just born with a preference for it. Their location or travel limitations could also play a part; perhaps they keep meeting the same types of men because they frequent the same types of places.
As far as why they complain about it, they may not have the self-awareness to identify their own dating patterns. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize things about yourself that you can clearly see in the lives of others. Hence, why this site exists. And some people just like having drama to discuss. If you don’t SOSO, stop engaging in conversation with these complaining types.
Lastly, if the women who brought this phenomenon to your attention are friends of yours, maybe you should (GENTLY, COMPASSIONATELY) suggest that they seem to have fallen into a dating rut the next time they complain. Think of a kind way to say it, and then re-word it to sound even kinder, just to be safe. If you’re talking about a certain woman in particular whom you want to date, just give it up. She clearly only wants men of a certain type, or else she’s trying to let you down easy.
Been dating a white guy. He’s a long-term type. Great job, very sweet & affectionate. One VERY small problem. HIS MAN-GINA! Should I sacrifice gr8 sex b/c he has so many other perks? It’s border-line pathetic. He asked me how it was, I ignored him.
Now HERE’S a woman who knows how to break out of a dating pattern! Since you pointed out that the man you’re dating is white, I’m going to assume you’re black (call me xenophobic). Yeah, it wasn’t really necessary for me to specify race, but it wasn’t really necessary for you to either. Hoping to perpetuate the stereotype of black vs. white endowment, are we?
It’s a little tough for me to answer this question SM, since I’m not sure whether you mean a LITERAL mangina* –the derogatory slang term for a transgendered person’s genitals- or merely a man’s package that’s much smaller than you’re used to. I guess it doesn’t matter either way, since you’re not satisfied with whatever it is he has (I’ll assume on good faith that you gave it a good college try).
It’s interesting to me that you describe his positive aspects as “perks” rather than personality traits, characteristics, or any other more personal term. You seem to take a more business-like approach to dating –and I ain’t mad atcha. Some bottom lines do need to be satisfied for you to be happy, and there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that fact. But I doubt a man whose only good qualities, in your eyes, are having a great job (perhaps $$) and being in this for the long haul can bring you true happiness.
You have to decide how high you prioritize a great (or even good) sex life on your list of relationship conditions. No one you date will be perfect, but you shouldn’t lower your standards, settle, or even compromise with someone who doesn’t meet your most important requirements. Taking into account the opinions of my friends and many of my readers, I know that some people consider sex to be of crucial importance to a relationship, while others could take it or leave it (and would rather leave it). Since you felt the need to write me about this, I think I can safely assume it’s important to you. So you know what you gotta do. Stop stringing that man(gina) along, SM! This relationship is only holding both of you back from finding the persons who could be *ahem* a better match.
Check out a previous advice post of mine, For the Love of Money, to read a man’s point of view, from the other side of a relationship possibly built on financial stability.
*No, that link is not a photo. Melsense.com is SFW.
If you don’t see your question here, check back next Thursday (10.21.10).